In lieu of talking about last night’s game which did not happen, I’m going to let you all in on a coversation overheard between Amy and Marianne. This was a phone conversation, mind you, so I technically only heard Marianne’s end of it, but I feel confident in my knowledge of Amy that I can pretty accurately describe what was happening on the other end.
Amy: You know how old people, when they hold babies, they sniff their heads?
Mariannne: Wait, what?
Amy: Old people. They sniff babies heads to like, inhale their youth or something.
Marianne: I’m going to assume this is eventually going to come back around to baseball.
Amy: It is.
Amy: Okay, so, I think that’s what happend to Jon Papelbon.
Marianne: Someone sniffed his head?
Marianne: Who sniffed Jon Papelbon’s head?
Amy: Mike Remlinger. He sniffed Papelbon’s head to try to get some of the not suck youth and Papelbon caught some of the suck.
Marianne: Are you sniffing something right now?
Amy: No! See, listen, it totally makes sense.
Amy: Because Remlinger wanted to stop sucking right?
Amy: And Papelbon didn’t suck.
Marianne: Right, with you so far.
Amy: So Remlinger sniffed Papelbon’s head. Makes perfect sense.
Marianne: Are you saying that Remlinger stole Papelbon’s soul?
Amy: Sort of. Well, not really.
Marianne: Yeah, no, he ate his soul. I get it.
Amy: What? No, there was no eating of the soul.
Marianne: There totally was. Remlinger turned into like, that dude from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom and reached into Papelbon’s chest and took out his soul.
Amy: And then he ate it?
Marianne: And then he ate it.
Amy: But, wait…?
Marianne: Yeah, totally. Because if there was just head sniffing happening, then that doesn’t explain why Papelbon would start to suck.
Amy: Because he sniffed his head!
Marianne: Yeah, but, the old people who sniff the babies, are they making the babies old with the sniffing?
Amy: No they’re…well, I don’t know.
Marianne: It’s totally soul eating. Look at the goatee. The scary, two-tone goatee. Clearly he is Satan.
Amy: That is a good point.
Marianne: It’s a big ball of white light. The soul. And he ate it.
Amy: White light?
Marianne: Yeah. Bitch, what’s the matter with you? Haven’t you ever seen Ghost?
Amy: Um…is it like in Harry Potter?
Marianne: I’ve never seen Harry Potter, I’m talking about Ghost here. There was very clear soul eating happening.
Amy: A white light. Hmmm.
Marianne: Kristen says that happened in The Little Mermaid too.
Amy: It totally did. Except it wasn’t a soul. I don’t know about this soul thing. I think I was right with the head sniffing.
Marianne: Nope. Soul eating. I think we both agree on the fact that there was a transfer of soul. It’s the only possible explanation since Remlinger was able to record an out and Papelbon was teh suck. We just differ on the method.
Amy: Good point.
Marianne: For real, though. Are you sniffing something right now?
And these are my friends.