(Hey, New York, David Wells thinks you’re full of shit)
So first this happened:
And then this happened:
And frankly, I just couldn’t take it anymore. I unleashed a profanity-laden and malice-fueled tirade via email to some unsuspecting friends. Beth begged me to post it. Here you go:
So lemme get this straight: It’s not enough that the Yankees, by some freakin’ miracle, or, more likely Faustian bargain are in the playoffs to begin with, thereby utilizing cheating of the “Look the other way, nobody on THIS team does steroids but I heard something about that Damon fellow,” school, but they are now attacking Texas for not winning that game against LAA that would have given the Skanks home field advantage (neglecting that had the Yankees just won the goddamn game against the Sox themselves, it would have been a moot point), and now they’re saying that David Wells was cheating? So because they’re the Yankees, and therefore, as our good friend Steve Brady has said, GOD’S OWN TEAM, their road to the postseason should be as swift and obstruction free as possible and also paved with good intentions and well wishes because they’re the YANKEES, DAMMIT and THEY DESERVE IT!?!
Fuck them all right in the ear. THIS is why we hate the Yankees. We don’t hate them because they’re good. We hate them because THEY THINK THEY DESERVE IT. Based on absolutely nothing. Listen up, you fuckwads, the Red Sox won the World Series last year and it certainly seemed like the White Sox could not possibly have cared less about that last night. And nobody is crying for us. Nobody is calling it a poor show on Chicago’s part with the curtain calls and the piling on. Nobody thinks we deserve a damn thing. So get your pinstriped, entitled heads out of your asses and play some fucking baseball if you want some goddamn respect. You have to fucking EARN IT. Nobody is going to give you anything. Just because you’ve won eight bazillion rings in the past doesn’t give you a free pass for the rest of all eternity. That’s not how the game is played. We all start the season at 0-0 and work from there. Last year, you bitched about hurricanes keeping the Devil Rays in Florida and you actually pissed and moaned and demanded that the DEVIL RAYS FORFEIT GAMES TO YOU BECAUSE THEY COULD NOT LEAVE THEIR STADIUM TO FLY TO NEW YORK BECAUSE OF A NATURAL DISASTER THAT PUT THEIR FAMILIES AND THEIR HOMES IN JEOPARDY. You assholes. I STILL can’t believe you did that. And now, you DESERVE home field advantage? Why? Because you’re the Yankees? Mystique and aura and all that shit? Bite me. Seriously, get over your damn selves and EARN your respect.
And by the way, slapping balls in play, obstructing the umpire so he can’t see that you didn’t tag anyone (Shut UP, McCarver!) and fucking accusing the other team of cheating in a monumental display of sour grapes is NOT the way you earn respect, you assholes. Shut the fuck up, play the game the right way, (without the cheating or have you forgotten how to do that?), and quit your bitching. No one feels sorry for you. No. One. You have to earn it like the rest of us.
I actually feel much better now.