Putting out an APB

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(photo from Boston.com)

I feel your pain, Tommy. I feel your pain.

The APB is for two things: One, the Patriots defense. I do not know where it’s gone. It’s tempting to say it went with Romeo Crennel to Cleveland but really, I think it’s sitting on the sidelines nursing it’s injured foot/ankle/knee/whatever. Because? YOU CANNOT DEFEND AGAINST THE COLTS WITH CARDBOARD CUTOUTS OF YOUR PLAYERS!

The second missing item is my Tom Brady hat. I lost it. Or rather, I hung it on the back of my chair at Sunset on Sunday and when I went back last night to pick it up, it wasn’t there. I called and everything. I’m upset about this. Very upset. I didn’t realize exactly how often I wore that hat until I did a google search for “Tom Brady hat” last night in an attempt to find a new one and I got a bunch of pages from this blog. I love that hat. I want it back. Or, at the very least, I want to find a replacement.

*sniff*

Anyway…

This is not the same Patriots team as last year. Or the year before that. Or two years before that. We all know that. And if we didn’t know it before last night, we surely know it now. It’s disappointing, sure. But here’s the thing. Here’s why I take issue with people (*cough* Steelers fans *cough*) who say that the Patriots are the Yankess of the NFL. Not a single person I know who I’d qualify as an honest to goodness Pats fan thought last night was gonna be easy. Not a single person thought we were gonna roll over the Colts just because we’d done it before. And, more importantly, not a single person thought we’d win because we “deserved” it or because we were “entitled.” No way, no how. We have to fight for our games and our wins and we know that. We don’t “deserve” anything.

Now, if you’ll allow me a moment to mention a few of the things we decided last night. “We” being the collective SG denizens. If you’ll indulge me, the game in clips and phrases:

“Peyton Manning’s dad probably made him take flute lessons.” – Amy

“Peyton prances. He’s a big, fat fucking prancer. Probably due to all that ballroom dancing.” – Me

“SCREW YOU MNF GRAPHICS GUYS! YOU DO NOT DRESS UP RODNEY HARRISON AS A DRUMMER BOY! *weeps*” – Emma

“DAVID GIVENS WINS AT LIFE AND OTHER WORTHY ENDEAVORS.” – Amy

“… and EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD tackles corey dillon.” – Beth

“‘So much penetration’ will never not make me laugh. I am 12.” – Amy

“GodDAMMIT! I hate when football reduces me to unoriginal profanity.” – Me

“I am reading a historical novel wherein people are being chopped with poleaxes and shot with muskets, AND IT”S STILL MORE FUN THAN THIS GAME.” – Emma

“Marvin Harrison is on my fantasy team but do you see me cheering for him? No, no you don’t. If you were here, you would hear my cursing his family and hoping he gets beset by painful bedsores.” – Me

“As much as I despise football, that last TD to Brown was damn sexy. And damn is Brady underrated. He’s so fast with the throw. Oh no, I’m Brady-gay!” – Bouge

“Things I could have lived without seeing: The personality-less wonder doing an Elvis impersonation. He also has no shoulders. How are we being beaten by a guy with no shoulders?” – Amy

Everyone gets one. And now that Peyton finally won his own personal Super Bowl, perhaps we can hear about someone else for a change? Oh, who am I kidding? The national media will be all over this shit for weeks to come. PEYTON MANNING IS A GENIUS AND WONDERFUL AND CAN WALK ON WATER AND HEALS CHILDREN WITH A SMILE.

Bleh.

All I know is that the Bruins take on the Flyers tonight at 7. Mer and I will watch and wish pain and humiliation upon the other’s team. But it all comes from a place of love, kids.

Now, if only I could get my damn hat back…

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