Okay, own up. Which one of you jokers googled “Rudy Seanez shirtless” to get to this blog? And what, pray tell, would possess you to do such a thing? I’d ask what you were looking for but I think that’s fairly obvious. What’s less obvious is exactly what kind of drugs you’re smoking that would make that sort of search even slightly appealing.
Wait, you totally lost a bet, didn’t you? You bet someone that you couldn’t find the most horrifying thing on the internet. You were all, “Horror movie scenes? No problem. Medical text illustrations? Easy one. Yankee celebrations? You got it.” But then they challenged you. Threw down the gauntlet, if you will. “Oh yeah? Find me a picture of Rudy Seanez shirtless.” Ooooo. Them’s fighting words.
And speaking of fighting, before you get all, “But Seanez is an Ultimate Fighter and therefore, probably pretty ripped,” just stop yourself for a second and think about how, though that may be true, do you actually need it proven to you? I, for one, am not willing to take that risk.
Now, calm yourself down and google “Javy Lopez shirtless” instead or something. Honestly, what were you thinking? Seanez is like the second worst Red Sox to see sans shirt. I am not mentioning the first by name because I don’t want servers all over the Boston area to blow themselves up in terror.
I…need a drink.