It’s all fun and games until someone tears a meniscus.

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David Ortiz laughs at your concerns. For he is David Ortiz.

Honestly, I haven’t watched the last two games. They’re on late. I need my sleep. I spend way too much time on the internet or in front of the television as it is, I can’t justify staying up until 2am to watch the Red Sox lose. Last night, they obliged with a win but I suspect that a game ending in a 5-4 nailbiter wouldn’t have aided the sleeping process at all. So it’s likely just as well that I turned on my computer this morning when I got out of the shower (yes, I realize I have a problem), and checked the score to see how they’d faired. Because I might be able to sleep not knowing how things were going to play out, but I’ve not yet reached the level of disconnect that would make it possible for me to endure the twenty-minute T-ride to work without knowing the outcome. Because the Metro doesn’t post late game scores. And dammit, I gots to know.

Looks like, once again, we owe it all to David Ortiz. And Wily Mo. Which should surprise no one because if there is one thing Wily Mo aspires to be when he grows up, it’s David Ortiz. I mean, just look at the dude. Same hairstyle, same facial hair, same mannerisms and you just know Wily Mo’s got a case of #34 Vitamin Water* next to his locker. But that’s okay. The young’un couldn’t have picked a better role model.

Especially now that we hear that Manny might be out for the forseeable future. (This is why I go to sleep. Thoughts of a Manny-less team gimping pathetically towards the distant horizon known as “the playoffs” would surely have kept me awake in a cold sweat.) At this point, it’s almost like a cruel joke. Who else can possibly go on the DL before this team has to start using cardboard cutouts from iParty in place of flesh and blood players? A-Gon is down now, joining Tek, Trot, Wake and Clement. Apparently, all the cool kids are hanging out on the DL. Except for Clement. He’s just there because he heard that’s where Tek was going and you know anywhere Tek goes, Clement is sure to follow.

“He’ll always be my true love, my true love, my true love! From now until forever, forever, forever! I will follow heeeeeem! Follow him wherever he may go! There isn’t an ocean too deep. (Too deep). A mountain so high it can keep, keep me awaaaaay!”

The Red Sox have actually inspired me to start singing show tunes. I’ll be checking myself into the safe place shortly.

Until then, I give you Fat Head (he has long since been demoted to “Fat Head”) vs. Weaver Version 2.0. He of the 1.95 ERA and 9-0 record. Awesome. Someone hand me that Vitamin Water.

*Speaking of, I would like to point out that Amy insisted that David Ortiz start endorsing Vitamin Water way back during last season sometime. Proving once again that we think it and it becomes fact. Also, I do not think it’s a coincidence that the Kenmore T station is now plastered with pictures of David Ortiz selling said Vitamin Water. Because there’s something about seeing Papi everywhere that makes you ever so slightly less likely to jump in front of a “speeding” T, no matter how bad the loss. That’s smart marketing right there as dead customers don’t tend to buy sports drinks.


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