Winning Ugly

(Photo from Yahoo! Sports)

Obi Wan Belichick discusses a call.

“Sometimes winning ugly is better than losing ugly.” – Tom Brady after today’s game.

And that, Thomas, was ugly. It was actually the first game this season that prompted me to strip off my jersey in disgust, grab my gym bag and storm out of the house, spouting profanities and promises to kill them all with my teeth if they didn’t get their shit together. Of course, you and I both know that it was an empty threat since I spent the entire T ride checking the score on my phone. I half expected the people at Google alerts to send me a message all, “Bitch, please, we will text your ass when there’s something new to tell you. Simmer down.”

So what I’m saying is, that was entirely too close for comfort.

I mean, it’s the Lions. You don’t expect to have to scratch and claw out a win against the Lions. But evidently, the Patriots thought that it was fun and good times that they were able to get a win against the Bears last week despite committing five turnovers and they wanted to walk on the wild side and TRY THAT AGAIN. And now that it’s worked, well shit, what’s in store for next week? I’m almost afraid to ask.

Possibly they’ll just run backwards down the field and run all plays in reverse. You know, just for shits and giggles. Of course, then they’ll tell us, “We’ve been working on the ultra super secret triple reverse in practice all week, because you know, that’s a good team we’re facing. I don’t care what their record is.” Because that is how the Patriots talk. They speak a lot and don’t say a word and they play everything close to the vest. Like injuries, for instance. Prior to the game, Amy and I had the following discussion:

Me: Wait, when did we get Ken Walter back? What happened to Josh Miller?

Amy: Josh Miller is on IR with a shoulder injury.

Me: How does a punter injure his shoulder badly enough to warrant an IR listing? Bowling with the offensive line?

Amy: Two words: Blow. Drying.

Me: There is no way you’re wrong. I guess Vrabel didn’t share his fancy helmet blow dryer patent.

These Patriots just don’t tell you a damn thing. It wasn’t until the third quarter when Marianne was moving all sharp objects out of my reach that I realized that Maroney hadn’t been in the game since the first quarter. At which point, I exploded in a string of profanities, as you might imagine. Official word is that he was out because he “got the wind knocked out of him.” Must’ve been a gale force wind. Although the commentators were speculating that he’d taken a helmet-to-helmet hit. Which wasn’t called because, you know, it wasn’t AGAINST the Patriots. Therefore, no penalty.

/is convinced the NFL hates the Patriots

On the plus side, Reche Caldwell is performing well. So much so that I have finally stopped referring to him as “NotGivens.”

And Mike Vrabel appears to be okay after being knocked about a bit at the end of the game. At which point, I am confident that the following conversation took place. (Picture from Boston.com):

Vrabel: Don’t worry, I’m fine. I just couldn’t find my gel spritzer.

Bruschi: Yeah, you’re good. No worries. Here, use my spare.

Vrabel: Thanks, dude, I needed that.

Bruschi: Sure thing, Vrabes. Whatever I can do to help. Lemme fluff that for you a bit in the back there.

Vrabel: Thanks, man, I hate when it gets flat.

I feel 93% sure that this conversation happened exactly like that.

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