The Unbearable Lightness of Being Coco Crisp

No word of a lie, that picture comes up when you do a Google Image Search for “Coco Crisp.” Makes sense to me.

Homeboy has been drinking his Red Bull, that’s for damn sure. The next case better be on Mike Timlin as I feel like Coco’s saved his ass more than once.

And, wouldn’t you know it, he’s started hitting too. Raised his average from .111 to .250ish in no time. That’s nice to see, isn’t it, Dustin.

And then there’s Alex Cora. With the hits and the fist pumping and the general awesomeness and Jerry Remy positively wetting himself with the excitement of it all.

Full disclosure: I didn’t watch the entire game tonight because I was cleaning my new place and getting it ready for all my stuff. So I was checking scores on my phone (no internet at the pad yet) and occasionally sneaking glances all “Rear Window” style at my neighbor’s TV across the street. What? It’s a big screen and his curtains weren’t drawn. That’s practically the same as inviting me over, handing me a beer, telling me to put my feet up and asking me what I think is wrong with Lugo.

Okay, for reals, why does Beckett always look like he’s coming off a three-day bender? And why, in his postgame, is he talking through his nose? It’s almost like he’s trying to talk “New England-y.” That said, 6-0 is something even I can be impressed by. And I am not terribly easy to impress. I mean, I’m impressed by the sheer insanity of the Yankees’ situation right now (finally firing their conditioning coach today), but aside from that, it takes something special. 6-0 is pretty special. And I don’t even mean it in that sarcastic way. That’s right, me, not being sarcastic when it comes to Josh Beckett. Surely, we are in the end times.

Luckily, Marianne and I have a plan:

Marianne: KRISTEN. I have a new idea for a movie. Are you ready for this? It’s a sequel to “Armageddon” starring Kevin Millar and Jonathan Papelbon. Solid. Gold.

Me: BEST. IDEA. EVER. What’s the story line?

Marianne: I don’t know, but I think maybe there are zombies on the asteroid this time.

Me: There are obviously zombies and they obviously need to be killled with duck hunting rifles. Obviously.

Marianne: Yes. Clearly. Jaime Walker is in the movie as well.

Me: Yeah, he’s the renegade space hero who drives a flying Winnebago. So it’s kind of like “Armageddon” meets “Space Balls.”

Marianne: Ohmygod. This movie is going to win the Oscar for best movie…ever.

Me: Affleck is in full support of this.

Marianne: Affleck is producing.

Me: Dude, so are we.

Marianne: Naturally.


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