Well that’ll certainly do. It wasn’t the smoothest performance but come on, you can’t really blame the kid for the Grady Sizemore homer as Sizemore is, as Greta is fond of saying, grown in a lab. I mean, he’s not human. He’s not of this earth. Even the best pitcher is going to give up the occasional long ball to members of the race of baseball playing martians or robotic outfielders with dimples that’ll make your mom blush. So, excluding that malfunction, Lester got himself into a couple of jams, but managed to work himself out of them (by striking out the aforementioned Robot Sizemore, no less). And really, that’s what I care about.
Don’t get me wrong, no-hitters and Josh Beckett taking opposing team’s hits as a personal insult akin to calling his mom a whore are fun, but I think the ability to work out of one’s own jams is highly underrated. Just as I wish baseball analysts would pay more attention to “Inherited Runners Scored” than traditional ERA for relief pitchers, I think we should start keeping some kind of stat for “Could Have Potentially Turned the Inning Into a Giant Clusterfuck by Walking the Bases Loaded with No Outs or Some Such Nonsense but Instead Sacked Up and Managed to Get Out of it and Avoid a Complete Disaster.” I mean, this would be useful. We’d maybe call it the “Matsuzaka Inning Syndrome” or something like that.
And when Lester got out of said jam, was there anything more awesome than his mom in the stands? I totally feel Mrs. Lester. My mom would have reacted the exact same way. Screaming and pumping her fists. (My mom’s not exactly demure during sporting events.)
Of course, Tito, in his postgame, talking about how “you get pretty attached to these guys,” is really enough to break your heart. He’s like everyone’s favorite crotchety uncle. We must keep him around in some capacity forever and ever. Maybe when Gabe Kapler eventually takes over the team, (Kapler, Tek, Lowell coaching triumvirate? Yes? No?), Tito can just sit on the bench, spit and occasionally make with a snarky comment. Of course, by then, Tito will likely be just a floating head in a jar of that blue barbershop liquid considering his pact with the Devil re: the World Series win he’s paying for with his life. But it’s Tito, I’m sure he’s accepted that. Besides, the floating Tito head could totally still roll its eyes.
Yeah, I…probably need to start sleeping.
/extricates cat’s head from old (retro?) promotional Johnny Damon soda cup from Fenway
So Jon Lester. Two thumbs up. And, because I’d be remiss not to mention it, Mr. Covelli Crisp with the four-hit night. Not only does he play defense but he enjoys hitting the ball as well! Who knew? Apparently, he’s just decided to do it all his own self. I expect we’ve got another week before he intercepts a reliever coming out of the bullpen and mows down the opposing hitters himself. I look forward to it.