Donnybrook at the Ballyard


(Photo from Yahoo! Sports)

That almost got ugly didn’t it? I’m sitting here going, “Guys, come on, guys, we’re not really gonna brawl with the Orioles are we? Guys, seriously, stop it. Can’t you just settle this by doing competitive kegstands with Millar or something? Guys?” Because, I mean, you guys know, I like the Orioles. I like a lot of their players. And I feel for Orioles fans because their pitching staff is absolutely decimated and then the one guy who you can count on to eat innings decides to go all Guerrilla Baseball and get himself thrown out of the game for head-hunting the Sox’ second base elf. Not cool.

And all O’s fans I’ve talked to have said the same thing. There’s a difference between “showing fire” and being stupid. Cabrera was stupid. Remy certainly got all worked up about it which is something you rarely see him do. And I wasn’t privy to the Orioles broadcast team but apparently they were laying into Cabrera pretty deep as well.

I kept saying, “Dougie’s gonna get thrown out. He was shit-talking Millar earlier from the dugout and him and Hinske are totally getting ejected.” My dad kept asking me why I thought Dougie was causing so much trouble.

“Because,” I reasoned, “He’s a backup catcher. 90% of the time backup catchers don’t have anything to do. And now he’s an INJURED backup catcher, which leaves him with even less to do. He’s totally starting shit. We’re lucky he didn’t light someone on fire in the dugout.”

And who gets thrown out? Not Dougie, as he was probably too busy fine-tuning the stats as the commissioner of the Red Sox official fantasy football team (Dougie is totally in like five fantasy football leagues, you know he is), so instead, additional backup catcher Kevin Cash got the boot. Why? Because he got into it with Orioles backup catcher Paul Bako. I’m just sayin’, backup catchers, man. They should really be assigned handlers.

Of course, then there was the drumming in the bullpen, involving impressively in sync efforts between Papelbon, Timlin, Lopez and Manny Delcarmen. Because you know who else gets into trouble with too much time on their hands? Bullpen pitchers. Especially Jonathan Papelbon. I remember being really impressed with the forays my brother has taken into Imaginary Baseball World when he said, “Paps needs to pitch more often. I know arm strength and all that but one of these days, there’s just gonna be an explosion and a puff of smoke from the bullpen as the outfield wall collapses. Then he’ll just be standing there going, ‘Timlin did it.'”

“Ah thought this’d be a good place fer a bowling alley, y’all!” I said.

“Exactly. And then Tito will have another fake heart attack.”

Paps certainly looked ready to go last night and the cameras caught him more than once in animated discussions with Timlin. Which is likely why neither of them made it anywhere near the mound last night. Tito’s not a stupid man, he doesn’t wish to deal with a murder conviction and insanity plea on top of a pennant race.

I do hope this animosity doesn’t spill over to today’s game because a frustrated team is not one you want to be matched up against. Especially while you’re trying to stay healthy and make the playoffs. Hopefully, cooler heads will prevail. Or Millar will have taken everyone out to the strip club for lap dances and Jaeger shots and they’re all too hungover to put up much of a fight. Whichever.

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