Maybe GQ isn’t the best scouting material.

(Photo from

So, do you think that eventually teams will catch on that when Mike Vrabel checks into the game as an eligible receiver on a goal line situation, he might not be a decoy? I mean, he’s only caught nine passes for nine touchdowns. Maybe other teams don’t watch a lot of football?

Tony Kornheiser positively embarrassed himself last night with the man-crushing on Tom Brady. I swear, in and amongst the few silences in his never-ending stream of praise, I could hear the rising bile of my friends, the Steelers fans. Personally, I’m totally fine with it, but I mean, come on, Tony, you had me blushing there at one point. And that’s hard to do. Just ask Jonathan Papelbon’s bare ass.

Not that the Brady Man-Crush Express (TM Fitzy) isn’t warranted but, I mean, his cleft chin probably doesn’t contain state secrets or heat-seeking missiles and therefore doesn’t make him a better quarterback. Yes, he’s a central casting “all-American QB,” but just because he looks like a quarterback doesn’t mean he doesn’t have to work to be one. I’m totally fighting a losing battle arguing that we should talk less about how pretty Tom Brady is and more about how freakin’ good he is. Because at the end of the day, Matt Light will still be talking about the “fear in the goat’s eyes” in the infamous picture. And Matt Light is the one who sees Brady every day.

During the game, after Brady’s uncharacteristic interception, Kornheiser, et al began discussing how Marv Lewis had put together a tape of all of Brady’s mistakes to demonstrate to his team that Brady doesn’t actually walk on water. Then it was revealed that Belichick’s motivational tactics are largely the same. I can just imagine the practice fields of both teams prior to the games.

Lewis: Tom Brady ain’t that good. He makes mistakes. See?
/queues up highlight reel of Brady’s mistakes

Belichick: Tom, you aren’t that good. You make mistakes. Remember that playoff game last year? Yeah, you suck. See?
/queues up highlight reel of Brady’s mistakes

Thankfully for Patriots’ fans, Belichick’s tactics seem to work. Perhaps the Bengals and other opponents would do well not to use GQ and Esquire as scouting reports in the future. After all, Tom Brady’s photo-shoot prowess won’t necessarily give you the keys to whether or not he’ll hand off to Faulk or Maroney. Oh, and then there’s Sammy Morris to worry about too. But Tony Kornheiser would prefer to talk about his chin. Or his girlfriend. Or the way he looks in a wet t-shirt. Nothing like ESPN Patriots photo spam.

Oh, also, did y’all see how called the Patriots “underrated?” Come on. Now you’re just being silly. You can’t actually call a team featuring Tom Brady throwing countless touchdown passes to Randy Moss “underrated.” Unless it’s opposite day. Wait, is it opposite day? Have we stopped talking about Peyton Manning for once? Has a team wearing purple made the playoffs? Has Jonathan Papelbon put on pants? Maybe it is Opposite Day.

I mean, from Sportscenter this morning on Brady/Moss: “It’s amazing Tom Brady ever had any success without the guy.”

Although I would really appreciate it if we could not do that whole “talking about champagne and the ’72 Dolphins” thing. Please? That is just setting this team up for a fall. And I like the view from up here.

Off day today, in every sense of the word. Y’all ready for the second season? I have it on good authority that, at the rally yesterday in City Hall Plaza, Mike Timlin threatened to kill everyone in the place if he revealed his pirate name. Now how come a threat of mass murder from Mike Timlin is actually kind of endearing? Not a one of us is right in the head, are we?


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