Defibrillator Football

(Photo from Boston.com)

I’m not gonna lie, for about 50 minutes there, I smelled burning hair and tasted blood. My mouth tasted like pennies and there was a definite scent of sulfur in the air. I also deflated a toy football with my teeth. I might also have alienated everyone watching the game with me despite the fact that I didn’t throw a single thing that didn’t belong to me. Which, frankly, is something new.

I admit it, I lost faith. I didn’t think the Patriots were winning that game. I tried to rationalize it and tell myself, “Well, it’s better to lose to the Colts now than in the playoffs, right?” and “Maybe winning all of the games is actually a bad thing. Maybe Belichick is Obi Wanning right now.” But honestly, none of that made me feel any better.

I’m not even going to complain about the officiating because that would just be sore winning, but I will say that if the Patriots can win a football game where Tom Brady performs well below the admittedly sky-high standards he’s set for himself this season and the defense can look tired and, frankly, old, then this is one hell of a football team.

I am, however, thrilled that next week is a bye week if for no other reason than I might need that long to regain normal breathing patterns and to stop shaking. Because despite last night’s Halloween/Birthday party, I was not nearly hungover enough to deal with this game. The appropriate level of hungover would’ve been “comatose” but alas, it was not to be. I’m also glad that I won’t have to spend the bye week avoiding all forms of media since I haven’t gotten around to building that bunker or, you know, sensory deprivation chamber I’ve been meaning to construct.

The thing is that in the past, the kind of game that the Patriots played today would have been par for the course. But this season, they’ve been playing so far above everyone’s head that it felt like unfamiliar territory. We haven’t had to see Tom Brady lead a late game comeback all season. I’d nearly forgotten how good he is at it. And I give all credit to the Colts, they played a hell of a game and matched the Patriots on nearly every play. And also, I’m glad to see that none of the Colts players resorted to the cheap shotting that so many media types seemed to have been advocating all week. This game was decided fairly and on the field and within the rules. Thank goodness. Because the mushroom cloud that would have exploded in Brookline if it wasn’t…

I would say more, but frankly, I’m still recovering and trying to get my head on straight. My Patriots are undefeated, you guys. Happy Birthday to me.

Also awesome, my brother is the coolest and I’m now the proud owner of a Jacoby Ellsbury number tee. Best gift ever? I think so. I think I’ll wear it to the gym and see if it makes me feel fast.

Happy bye week, y’all.

/collapses

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