Let Us Give Thanks

Because that dude is still our third baseman. Officially now.

Now let us all collectively exhale.

I remember saying during the parade and the rash of late night talk show appearances that followed that, in my memory, I don’t remember both fans and players alike campaigning so hard for the team to re-sign a player. “Not even ‘Tek?” Amy asked me.

“The thing about ‘Tek is, in retrospect, we all knew he wasn’t going anywhere. His value to the Red Sox was and is far and away greater than it would be to any other team. It was mostly a matter of seeing whether or not he and Theo could agree on what he’s worth. But with Lowell, he would have been valuable to a lot of places.”

So I’m just really, really glad the deal got done. These past few weeks have seemed like Sports Christmas has come early to New England, no? What with the Patriots continued destruction of all challengers, the Sox getting their free agent signings taken care of and, you know, the drama queen business happening in the rest of baseball, Messrs. Rodriguez and Bonds, I’m talking to you.

Plus, I saw ‘Tek on TV this morning and he was talking about how glad he was to have “Michael” back and how he called “everyone and their mother” when he found out. Which you just know totally messed up Curt Schilling’s phone tree. Because if you don’t think Curt had a phone tree in place for this exact thing, you’re high. Curt was to call Youks and Kyle Snyder and then they had to call Manny Delcarmen and Pedroia and they called three people and so on and so forth. There was a plan. Curt had a diagram which he emailed to everyone. It was color-coded. And ‘Tek messed it up. But probably Curt will forgive him because, you know, he’s ‘Tek, and he’s still apologizing to him for shaking him off while facing Shannon Stewart that one time.

Also, I refuse to believe that Theo’s nefarious plan to use Jacoby Ellsbury as a negotiating tactic didn’t work perfectly. You just know he told Jacoby to work Bertica Lowell as much as possible. That entailing, obviously, offers to babysit and showing up occasionally looking pained and hungry because he’s just little and doesn’t know how to cook his own food or do his own laundry and one time he even forgot to pack pants and had to borrow Clay’s (true story). And you know Mrs. Lowell was all, “Michael! You can’t leave! This poor boy needs some help. His mother is all the way across the country. Who’s going to cook for him if I don’t? Who’s going to wash his socks? Who’s going to tell him which fork to use? Plus, he’s so polite. So good with the girls. He’s the best babysitter we’ve ever had. That’s it, we’re adopting him. And you’re staying in Boston so I can keep an eye on him.” Well played, Theo. Well played indeed.

Continuing the theme with the brigade of awesome, Tom Brady was on WEEI this morning and was getting downright mad at people for their “running up the score” accusations. Now they’ve made Tom Brady angry. Fellas, don’t you know how stupid that is? He admitted to wanting to “kill other teams” but can you blame the guy? He’s playing this entire season under fire and the best defense is, clearly, a good offense. But he also made what I consider to be a good point. He said that when they go for it on fourth and 1 or whatever, they’re trying to get better. “Because what if next week we’re in a situation when it’s tied and it’s fourth and 1? We’re just supposed to worry about that then? No, you work on it now so you’re confident that you can handle that when you have to.”

I am the world’s biggest Tom Brady homer but the man makes a good point. It’s like I said a while ago when I mentioned that when games get out of control, they’re essentially training exercises for future games. Brady – and the rest of the team – seem to be operating under the theory that the second you let up is the second someone hits you in the mouth. I’m glad they’re still hungry and aren’t taking anything for granted. Those are my boys.

However, on a slightly softer note, can we maybe petition eHarmony to use Tom Brady and Randy Moss in an ad? It would be a hell of a lot better than the smug, simpering idiots they feature now.

Brady: “I never thought I’d find the perfect one. But then we traded a pick to Oakland and now I’ve found him.”

Moss: “It’s a hard life and it’s nice to be going through it with someone who gets you to be your very best. I’m so glad I found Tommy.”

Because yes, Randy Moss calls him “Tommy.”

Wouldn’t that be excellent? Warms the heart. Also, I’d rather watch that eleventy million times than be subjected to one more commercial where Peyton Manning is throwing passes to himself or something inside his own head while Marvin Harrison is cavorting with magical dream dolphins.

So yes, all good things are happening. It’s a heady time to be a New England sports fan of any kind (hell, even the Bruins aren’t embarrassing), and I think it’s a good time for all of us to remember not to take any of this for granted. So turkey and stuffing and pie and Mike Lowell and Tom Brady and Jacoby Ellsbury and what have you. All good things for which we should give thanks.

Happy Thanksgiving, kids. Have a great one.

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