Hangin’ Tough


(Photo from NFL.com)

Okay, that wasn’t quite the rout that everyone was expecting. Bill Belichick didn’t channel old school Randy Moss and fake-moon Eric Mangini during halftime and Moss himself didn’t do any cartwheels into the endzone. In fact, neither Brady nor Moss even found the endzone and Brady threw for only 140 yards, his season low. But apparently Laurence Maroney is out of the dog house now (must’ve been an awfully nice fruit basket he sent to Belichick), and he picked up the slack, getting the Pats’ lone offensive touchdown and 104 yards on the ground. And today we find ourselves loving some rather unlikely characters instead of the usual suspects. Both Richard Seymour and Adalius Thomas had excellent games (though Kellen Clemens’s ribs would likely disagree). Then there was Kelley Washington who seemingly came out of nowhere to block that punt. Plus, Eugene Wilson, or “Geno” since that’s what Randy Moss calls him and who are we to argue with Randy Moss?

Personally, I think we should all stop favoring the Patriots by jillions of points. That does nothing so much as fire up the opposition and I don’t really begrudge them that. Yeah, I don’t like the Jets, but last I checked, they were still actually a professional football team and not the JV team from Hoboken High. And they have actually beaten the Patriots in the past. Perhaps not with the bastard son of Roger Clemens behind center (seriously, K-name Clemens? Someone is not telling us something here), but he was gone by the Jets’ second play from scrimmage anyway thanks to the freight train that is Richard Seymour.

Then it was quarterbackpalooza and the return of the Chadrick Pennington IV official photo which is one of Amy’s most favoritest things ever. “The turtleneck!” she said, “I love the turtleneck.”

What is that, ultra suede?” I said.

“Looks like it’s got a thick nap to it.”

Making fun of Chad Pennington is one of my favorite past times. Especially the hair which I only have about two weeks left to make fun of since my own esteemed quarterback appears to be growing an inexplicable baltie, the better to take up lacrosse in Baltimore or something.

And considering what Randy Moss was wearing in his postgame, I’m not entirely sure sartorial critiques are welcome either. But I get my fun where I can.

“Does Randy Moss have bowling league later on?” Amy asked.

“Yes. With underprivileged youth. And then he’s going with Vince Wilfork to deliver food to the homeless and then caroling with Tommy.”

“A big day!”

“Well, he has extra energy what with the not catching touchdown passes,” I said.

So next week it’s Winless No More Miami (obviously thanks to the presence of the Magical Don Shula and his Merry Band of Insufferable Jerks). My guess is the motivation will go something like this: “So Miami beat Baltimore who almost beat us. Therefore, by the transitive property of mathematics, Miami beat us. So we must avenge that loss at the hands of the Dolphins.” Belichick will confuse them with math, he’s crafty like that.

He’s also pretty crafty because you just know he loved beating Mangini and the Jets and he betrayed his “It’s just another football game” rhetoric just a little bit with his smile and fist pump after the midfield handshake. But he did seem exceptionally nice to Mangini, going so far as to say “Great game, Eric, great game. Awesome,” before hugging various Jets players. Possibly a Belichickian mind-fuck but aren’t those always good times? Might’ve worked too since Mangini looked like he was facing a firing squad in his postgame. “I don’t remember what he said to me,” he said in a monotone, “Great game. Or good luck. Or something,” he said flatly, staring into the middle distance. Don’t worry, Eric, it happens.

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