Reche Caldwell is clearly surprised by the outcome of today’s games.
I could tell you that I drew it up this way, but there’s no way you’d believe that. I guess I’ll just have to be happy in the knowledge that this entire weekend’s slate of games unfolded exactly according to my evil plan. Mwah ha ha ha.
Things have surely changed in the ole’ Manning household, eh? Suddenly, Eli is the favorite son and Peyton has been replaced by Matt Leinart. (A theory Amy developed halfway through the season). Of course, this might just pave the way for ever more commercials featuring both Manning brothers like the wholly offensive new one about licking Double Stuff Oreos or something that I really don’t want to consider any further.
I am certainly not waving the Bolts flag on a daily basis, especially considering how mouthy they’ve been at times in regards to the Patriots, but, I mean, you have Rivers’ backup Billy Volek tossing a huge pass to someone with the exceptionally awesome name of Legedu Naanee and causing those of us in attendance in my apartment to start spouting random syllables for fifteen minutes while sounding like freakin’ Mork from Ork. How could you not be rooting for San Diego at that point?
Greta: Who is that tiny, tiny man?
Me: That would be Rivers’ backup, Billy Volek.
Amy: I believe Philip Rivers is shit-talking the Colts fans.
Me: You know, I don’t like Philip Rivers, but honestly, I do kind of love that.
Greta: I kind of love their little, tiny quarterback. Short people unite!
(I made Greta wear the Doug Flutie jersey yesterday)
Amy: I mean, they freakin’ booed that poor girl in the Patriots jersey. Jerks.
Me: San Diego and their Lilliputian quarterback are clearly trying to protect her honor.
Greta: I think this Volek person is gonna throw up.
Me: The Matt Ryan Victory Boot?
Amy: I love the Matt Ryan Victory Boot!
Me: LEGEDU NAANEE!
Greta: LEGEDU NAANEE!
Amy: LEGEDU NAANEE!
Things pretty much derailed from there.
Of course, all that “hooray for the Chargers” crap ends now. Actually, it started when Philip Rivers, despite jogging on the sidelines, “Clemensed out of the game,”TM Amy. (Amy would also like you to know that Philip Rivers did not tip her sister when she waited on him in North Carolina. Jerk.)
But the fact remains, Eli Manning: further into the playoffs than Peyton. And all those Colts fans who were interviewed spouting off on TV last night about their hotly contested rematch with the Patriots next week likely feel mighty stupid right now. Which, you know, is amusing.
As for the NFC side of things, I am certainly not what you’d call a Giants fan. Mostly because Boston and New York and virtually all things contained within including their sports teams just do not like each other. More often than not, it’s an antagonistic relationship. But frankly, I know lovely people who feel about the Giants the way I feel about the Patriots and, well, I’m not such a huge fan of Tony Romo or Terrell Owens and really, Jerry Jones? Get back in your box. So at least my friends are happy. Plus, Eli Manning: further into the playoffs than Peyton. Nope, still funny.
I’m sure much will be made this coming week about how the Patriots now have a clear path to the Super Bowl, but I am loathe to make any such claims. I think that might’ve been what Indy did today and the truism still remains: any given Sunday. That, and the Chargers likely have revenge on their minds as the Pats took them out in last year’s playoffs against the odds and somehow offended Shawn Merriman to his very core by allegedly mocking his “Lights Out” dance or something. You’ll forgive me if I don’t remember specifics as I was in the midst of a two-week Ebola-like virus issue at that time and I’m not positive that I didn’t hallucinate that entire game. My point is, the Chargers are likely angry and fired up. Which, you know, proceed with caution.
But if there’s one thing I’ve learned about football this weekend, it’s that I’m never allowed to watch a football game again without the delicious addition of Amy’s buffalo wings. Not if I want the game to turn out the way I’d like it to turn out. Those wings are magic, y’all. Plus? Did I mention delicious?
Happy Upset Sunday, everyone.