A few things:
First of all, kee-rist, Bruins. Sorry I said anything. Damn. Never mind. Didn’t mean to inspire some epic performance anxiety there. As you were. No one’s paying attention, promise.
Secondly, Randy Moss is back where he belongs, catching touchdown passes from Tom Brady for the next three seasons. As it should be. I’ve been largely ignoring the existence of the Patriots for a while now for several reasons, chief amongst them that rumors of the current player exodus make my head hurt. And also, if I don’t talk about them, they can’t hurt me. Which is how I’m still dealing with that whole Super Bowl thing leading several people I know to believe that sometime in mid-June after, I don’t know, a Julio Lugo strike out or something, I’ll just break down screaming, “Why, Tommy? Whyyyyyy?” What they’re saying is that I haven’t fully dealt with the pain yet. I don’t plan to. It’s easier this way. That said, maybe Tom Brady can end his hunger strike now? And someone can get on the horn and book Air Supply to sing at Brady and Moss’s commitment ceremony? Can’t you just see it? A touching rendition of “Making Love Out of Nothing At All?” It’s a beautiful thing.
(That appears to be my second Air Supply reference in two days. Possibly I should see someone about this.)
Additionally, apparently Sam Cassell is all set to join the Celtics after being all pissy about not getting playing time wherever he was before. Yeah, no, I don’t much care about that but what I do find HIGHLY AMUSING are the headlines saying things like “Cassell unhappy with playing time. Demands trade.” Or “Cassell to join C’s. Looks to increase playing time.” Because I like to pretend it’s Matt Cassel, Tom Brady’s backup who is throwing conniption fits about playing time and demanding to be traded to the Celtics where he can really contribute. Two sport athlete, that Matt Cassel! Who knew? Hee.
And finally, evidently rumors of Bartolo Colon’s demise have been greatly exaggerated. Which, you know, is good for the Red Sox. Too many pitchers is a good number to have. It can only make the rest of them that much more competitive. And hungry pitchers is good pitchers. Perhaps a poor choice of words considering who we’re talking about here.
Oh, also, if you haven’t watched footage of Cookie-Off III, just go do it right now. No, right now. “Millar and Kapler are always Sox.” Truer words were never spoken, my friend. Kevin Youkilis gets that one right, for sure.