Dougie, We Hardly Knew Ye

Dougie in happier times.

This is the thing: doesn’t it sort of seem like the Red Sox front office treats Doug Mirabelli like that dude you date occasionally because you’re bored or something but that you never bother to introduce to your friends because you know it’s not really serious? Like you’re constantly shopping around for someone who’s better for you, or maybe more your type, but when no one comes along, you grudgingly consent to take him back and then spin it such that it seems like he should be happy for the opportunity. And then when you tire of him, you just get rid of him, fully expecting him to be there the next time you need a confidence boost. I’m saying that the Red Sox front office treats Dougie like their secret boyfriend and that is just not right.

Especially considering the disconnect with how the fans treat him. Loving Doug Mirabelli has become a cottage industry in and of itself among Red Sox fans. Some of us even have Doug Mirabelli Appreciation Nights at cheesy Chinese restaurants in Saugus, for god’s sake. Granted, there’s always been a very real tongue-in-cheek aspect to the whole Dougie love thing, but you can’t begrudge us that. Who among us wouldn’t love to be a backup catcher for the best team in baseball, working once every five days and reaping the rewards including two World Series? We’re mostly in awe, is what I think.

That said, I’m sure there are baseball reasons for this move and Kevin Cash will do fine (Is Josh Bard out of therapy yet?) and all that, but that doesn’t mean that we have to be happy about it. Theo got rid of his secret boyfriend. But he’s our binky. And he’s leaving. Again.

At least we have the memories, the pictures and somewhere, in the backseat of my brother’s truck, the disturbing reality of Doug Mirabelli’s likeness on a stick.

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