America’s Pastime. Key word being "AMERICA."


(Photo from Boston.com)

Don’t know about you guys but I’d be perfectly okay with never having to play another game outside of the U.S. Freakin’ Canada. Being all, you know, North and shit. With the Blue Jays and their irritating retro uniforms and their fireworks show indoors (brilliant idea that, forcing the teams to play through dissipating smoke for six innings) and their Toronto Baseball Rock and Roll Circus or whatever. Had about enough that, I’ll tell you what.

(I kid. Toronto is actually a great city. Don’t want to be playing baseball there anymore though. We’re allergic to it).

And that’s how Frank Thomas chooses to thank me for loving him when I was a kid? That’s what he’s gonna go and do? It’s like that, is it, Frank? All right then, that’s the way it’s gonna be.

Frankly, I’m probably a little cranky because right now, the Orioles are the good child what with the staging walk-offs and making with the comeback wins and all that and the Red Sox ruined a perfectly good hangover Sunday (look, one needs to drink plenty of tequila if one is going to get up on stage at the Coolidge Corner Theater and dance along during the Michael Jackson sing-along. And yes, one did.) So my already throbbing headache was exacerbated by not only the losing but also the fact that all games played in Toronto are broadcast in some kind of Vibra-Vision that makes my TV look all unnaturally bright and rainbow colored.

And the losing.

And Julio Lugo. Because if homeboy THINKS he’s starting this season with a fresh slate with me and he wants to be going and making three errors in a game, he’s got something else coming.

Now it’s still too early to freak out. I get that and I know it. Probably the Orioles aren’t going to be winning lots of games by virtue of Luis Hernandez walk-offs (though their outfield o’ excellence and youth is starting to scare the crap out of me), and it’s unlikely that the Tigers are going to go 0-162 (though if they wanted to hold off on breaking that losing streak for a few more days, I’d be thrilled). Water eventually finds it’s level…or something. Point being, the Sox will likely be fine. Tek’s hitting. Jacoby’s hitting. Hell, even JD Drew is hitting. But, you know, there are concerns.

I suppose you could just say I’ve turned a watchful eye upon them and I’m paying close attention. Step to it, gentlemen.

Also, unrelated to baseball but Boston sports news nevertheless is that the Bruins managed to back their asses into a playoff spot after all. I’d be wary of saying something because the last time I mentioned them, they proceeded to be done with the winning and lost all of the games in a row. But they’re matched up against the Montreal Canadiens in the first round of the playoffs and as they’ve already got a historically epic losing streak going against Montreal, things really can’t get much worse on that front. So perhaps it’s time to invent a drinking game to at least revel in the black comedy of it all.

In fact, maybe someone should do that for the Red Sox too.

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