Of Rays and Chads

(Guess that tax refund came just in time)

So yesterday marked the first annual “Kristen’s 86-year-old grandmother and Tampa Bay (Devil) Rays fan sends her a taunting email about the first-place Rays.”

And, you know, that’s fun. Ignoring for a second the fact that my grandmother shit talks me about baseball which is, frankly, kind of awesome, the whole notion of the Rays and their softball uniforms actually being good at baseball is a little upsetting and disturbing and I’d prefer not to think about it. Basically it upsets the natural order of things for Joe Maddon and his “I work in publishing” glasses to be helming a team that’s capable of winning baseball games. Let alone several of them in a row. But I suppose this is what they mean by being the bigger person and giving credit where it’s due. It’s frustrating, naturally, because the Sox pitching was actually pretty decent, save the bullpen which, OH MY GOD, BULLPEN. What is your damage? Josh Beckett is going to hurt you. And I am NOT going to stop him this time.

If this whole bullpen implosion thing doesn’t stop soon, I am going to have words with Mike Timlin when I run this thing in June. Which probably means I’ll need to work on my speed, if I’m having harsh words with Mike Timlin. On second thought…

Anyway, blah. Baseball is sad and everyone is sick and I wish to speak of it no further. What I would like to talk about is the fact that when Amy and I were watching the draft on Saturday and taking notes for our eventual piece for InSite, we wondered why the Jets are so damn committed to Chad Pennington and, just out of curiosity, I checked to see if perhaps the already discounted The Chad Fathead had been discounted further. Dudes? IT WAS $9.95. Down from an original price of $98. So obviously, I had to buy it. Because no game next season will be complete without a rousing rendition of “Pin the T-Neck on The Chad.” And, I mean, I almost feel bad for the dude. All the other discounted Fatheads are as such because the player has switched teams or something. Kevin Garnett Timberwolves one or Daunte Culpepper Vikings. Shaun Alexander Seahawks. You know, that kind of thing. And even those are still $39.95. So really, Fatheads really misjudged their marketing of The Chad, I think. Or they were just counting on way more snarky Patriots fans buying them and creating party games. Which, you have to admit, is kind of genius. Although, don’t worry, The Chad won’t stay up during the week. It’s for Sundays only. You think I want to wake up at 3am and encounter a life-size Chad Pennington, complete with mock turtleneck and yachting haircut in my living room? Terrifying.

See? Isn’t that more fun than baseball?

Also? Oh, Roger. ::shakes head::

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