(Photo from Yahoo! Sports)
Yo. What’s up, Boston. Kevin “The Big KY” Youkilis here. You may not know this but I’m doing pretty well for myself this season. Hittin’ home runs, makin’ some pretty sweet plays at first, you know, that kind of thing.
Anyway, you’re all talking about Papi’s knee and Manny’s home run chase and all that and, you know, that’s awesome and all, totally cool. But, dudes, I’m the Big KY. I am CARRYING this team. Mike Lowell – oh, I’m sorry, WORLD SERIES MVP Mike Lowell – goes down with a bruise and everyone starts freakin’ out about how “OH NO OUR DEFENSE WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO WHO CAN HIT THE BALL AHHHH!” Dudes, chill. CHILL. I totally took care of you, didn’t I? With the sweet defense at first or third. Don’t matter. I’ll play short if you want me to. (Actually, I’ve seen what some of you have been saying on the web about Julio so maybe you do want me to and, you know what? Forget I said anything.) But dudes, me and Sean Casey were totally an awesome tandem. And you guys thought I’d forgotten how to play third base. Pshaw, whatever, people. They don’t call it the Hot Corner for nothin’. Am I right?
And who’s tied for the team lead in home runs with Manny and Papi? Yeah, that’s right. The Big KY. What do you think I keep in this beard anyway, Cheetos and PBR? Hell no, this is a cover for the Awesome. The Awesome lives here. That’s right. 100% pure, American-made Awesome. And you can’t stop it now.
Don’t even get me started on all my teammates who are on the DL or whatever with “pulls” or “strains” or “bumps and bruises” or maybe “their cat scratched them while playing with a feather on a stick and now they’ve gotta get a Band-Aid or something.” Dudes, think I’d let that stuff bother me? Hell no. You just suck it up and grit your teeth or get the Bactine spray from your mom if it gets real bad. But don’t be a baby. You gotta be like me. Stone cold awesome.
Anyway, Josh did pretty good last night so we’ll give him credit for that but don’t forget who’s really carrying this team. Yeah, say it with me now. The Big KY. That’s right. You know it. Peace out, Boston.