"Pitching out of jams all night."

(Photo from Yahoo! Sports)

Honestly, “pitching out of jams all night” should probably be Matsuzaka’s middle name. So much does he love loading the bases and working full counts and walking guys that, by all reason, should have struck out, that it’s a wonder to me that he’s actually 15-2. Which is also why I called Lester the team’s ace yesterday. It’s just…even Tito thinks watching Matsuzaka pitch is frustrating. That was his word, “frustrating.” Probably because you can’t swear on TV. Unless you’re Josh Beckett apparently.

That said, I will take the result. Jason Varitek, clearly happy that he doesn’t have to suffer under the weight of his secret pain anymore, hit another home run and looks like he might, maybe, just possibly if we don’t look too closely, be remembering how to hit a baseball. Maybe. No guarantees. But that would be nice.

And frankly, if Kevin Youkilis doesn’t get some MVP votes this season, I’ll initiate a letter-writing campaign to MLB on his behalf. Won’t you join me? In addition to the hitting – both consistent and clutch – he’s also been playing first at a Gold Glove clip and is now playing third in Mike Lowell’s stead. I’d ask if there’s anything he can’t do but then I worry that Tito would get some fancy idea about him playing shortstop and honestly, I’m not sure I care to see Youks torn in two.

The fact that the game featured both Matsuzaka and Daniel “spells of wildness” Cabrera and ISN’T still happening is really a wonder and something for which we should all be grateful. Because I love Baltimore, I do. It’s one of my favorite cities and Camden Yards is a beautiful park and the fans are good people. But someone is going to die if everyone in attendance is forced to watch the starters walk the ballpark and pitch like they’re getting free candy with every ball. And for the Red Sox fans in attendance? I have one word for you: BEHAVE. Don’t be that guy. You know what I’m talking about. The guy who calls Camden Yards “Fenway South” and badmouths Dave Trembley and Nick Markakis because he likes hearing himself talk. Stop it. Also, Dave Trembley would probably kick your ass.

Now, I can’t be the only one excited about the possibility of Baltimore native Michael Phelps throwing out the ceremonial first pitch at an upcoming Orioles game and the subsequent friendship that’ll form between Phelps and Markakis where they’ll spend most of their time sitting around in their boxers and eating cereal while watching Sportscenter with occasional breaks for Wii bowling and Go-Kart racing can I? What about when it inevitably becomes a reality show on ESPN 40? Don’t tell me you wouldn’t watch that. The episode where they get tattoos is my favorite. It would be, as Kim pointed out, like that scene in “Dude, Where’s My Car?” where they get “Dude” and “Sweet” tattooed on their shoulders and spend like ten minutes yelling “Dude!” and “Sweet!” at each other. Awesome.

My head is an interesting place to be, people.

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