I swear to you, the words “we should develop some sort of impenetrable electric fence around Tom Brady’s legs” were not out of my mouth yet when Brady went down. And now you all know what my nightmares look like.
Because for six years now, this has been the fear that dare not speak it’s name. Tom Brady, out with a knee injury. For years, I’ve not mentioned it, not given voice to my greatest football fear. Not entertained the “there but for the grace of God” thoughts that went through my mind when the likes of Carson Palmer went down with knee injuries. Because Bill Belichick can use his patented mind-fucks all he wants but I’m pretty sure he can’t convince us that Matt Cassel is Tom Brady.
Admittedly, Matty Ice played well today in the sense that he managed to get the game won (with an impressive assist from his defense), and didn’t boot or otherwise soil himself on national television. Forgive me if I’m not bursting with confidence at the potential dawn of the Matt Cassel era but he’s not done much to inspire said confidence and every time his headshot pops up on the bottom of the screen, I think that Jordan Catalano is quarterbacking my football team and really, that’s gonna make a girl feel kind of desperate. I mean, yes, the Patriots won and that’s great, but honestly, the game outcome really seems secondary, doesn’t it?
I mean, it’s possible that, as they appeared to do today, the team will rally around this and band together and blah, blah, blah, impenetrable wall, immovable object and all that. But I’m not sure a Tom Brady/Drew Bledsoe situation happens twice. Certainly not to the same team. Although Amy and I amused ourselves and kept the outright weeping at bay by giving voice to what we felt were surely Matt Cassel’s comments during the game.
“All I needed was a chance. Just needed a chance. Don’t think Tom’s so great. Everyone thinks Tom’s so great. He’s not that great. He was a backup too. Just ’cause he’s the MV- SHIT BLITZ!”
“Whatever, got my chance. Time to script my legend. Time to write the Matt Cassel Story. Time to FUCK TAKE IT RANDY!”
“TOUCHDOWN, BITCHES. THAT’S RIGHT. I’M THE NEXT KARATE KID.”
What I’m saying is, I wouldn’t be terribly surprised to learn that Randy Moss was taking snaps at QB in practice this week. He had that reverse last year that worked pretty well. He can totally work that into a QB job. Or, wait, is Troy Brown still around somewhere? He was our emergency fourth string quarterback at some point, I believe. Troy’ll totally do it. Shit, I’ll do it. Somebody get me a helmet.
Let’s just…let’s just hope this was a precautionary measure on Billiam and the team’s part and Brady just has a hyperextended knee or maybe a contusion or, since it’s the Patriots, an “owie.” Because I’m pretty sure that as goes Tom Brady, so go the Patriots. And frankly, 22 minutes is not long enough to be enthusiastic about this football season. I would have liked a bit longer.