Any Given Sun-, er, Monday

(Photo from Boston.com)

I swear to you, nothing that happens during the course of this NFL season would surprise me. Kerry Collins could be the Second Coming in Tennessee. Vince Wilfork could announce plans to retire and take over for Al Roker. An x-ray could determine conclusively that Ben Roethlisberger’s brain is made of cream cheese. Belichick could rip off his hoodie to reveal mechanical robot parts. The Patriots can lose by 20 to San Diego one week and drop 41 on Denver the next. Seriously, nothing would surprise me. 

What does surprise me, I guess, is that this Patriots team is still capable of games like last night. Apparently there is some truth to the rumor that Denver is the most fradulent 4-2 (now 4-3) team in the NFL but that gives little credit to the Pats and the way they handled things. 

But it was that kind of game. In fact, due to the fact that he appeared to be constantly ass backwards on the ground, it was the third quarter before I realized that Matt Cassel was having a nice little game for himself with a pretty stellar passer rating. Right around the time Tony Kornheiser said “Tom who?” And I yelled, “You shut your mouth, Anthony!” did I notice that Cassel was turning in an efficient and mistake-free (thanks to a Belichick challenge) performance. I don’t know why. Maybe after the past few up and down weeks, I’m conditioned to think the worst. But I owe an apology to Matthew. You done well, sir. 

Amy: I am so proud of Little Matthew.

Me: Did you see how he just nonchalantly threw that Gatorade cup on the ground like he’s QB1 and y’all can suck it? (He probably picked it up and placed it in a proper trash receptacle when they cut to another camera).

Amy: And apologized. 

Of course, wins seemingly never come without losses around here as it was announced that Laurence Maroney was put on Injured Reserve, thus ending his season and Rodney Harrison went down with an apparent knee injury and had to be carted off the field. I’ve seen Rodney in that position before. It didn’t end well that time. Let’s hope this is minor though, you know, expecting the worst. 

Additionally, am I the only person previously unaware of the existence of BenJarvus Green-Ellis? I swear I have never heard of that gentlemen before last night. 

Me: Wait, there is a Jarvis Green and a BenJarvus Green-Ellis?

Amy: Maybe he got married in the offseason?

Me: I’m checking the official roster to get to the bottom of these shenanigans. Okay, apparently Jarvis Green is a defensive lineman, which we knew, and BenJarvus Green-Ellis is a running back.

Amy: I’m glad THAT’S the reason they’re not the same person.

Me: Welcome, young BenJarvus!

Amy: That is a name and a half.

Indeed it is. And now he has a touchdown to his name. Like I said, nothing surprises me.
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