Regarding the Footballs

(Photo from NYTimes.com)

That photo hopefully represents visions of the future.

Apologies for the unplanned hiatus, kids. Some things can’t be helped. I do so hope you all had a wonderful holiday season and that your new year is progressing apace.

Now, in regards to the football, allow me to say this in reference to our dearly departed New England Patriots. Firstly, we haven’t the right to complain, as Patriots fans about the way this season played out. When our football Baby Jesus went down in Week 1, we began operating under some newly managed expectations and every win that came henceforth was sort of like gravy. So to end the season with an 11-5 record with an untested backup, half a running game, and defense that wasn’t only elderly but also held together with popsicle sticks and airplane glue is pretty actually okay. Because the thing is, you don’t get to win every year. That’s not how the rules go. There really is no such thing as “fair” in sports. Also, considering the schizophrenic nature of the team this year, there’s every chance they would have lost in the first round of the playoffs or, barring a miracle, lost to the Steelers or Colts in a later round. And that, my friends, would have sent this Zen-like attitude of mine right out the proverbial window and caused me to kick a homeless man to death with rage. And no one wants this. So you see, it’s really better this way.

The Giants/Jets/Ravens/Steelers fans I’ve mentioned this to claim I am the only New England fan to express such a balanced, logical opinion. Again, either I’m just tired of spewing anger and vitriol in the direction of the Jets (who are, I would venture, even more unhappy), or the Super Bowl that didn’t happen has left me dead inside. I guess we’ll see.

Now, as to the remaining teams in the playoffs, I have picked my horse and my horse wears purple. That’s not something I necessarily agree with, sartorially speaking when it comes to sports teams, but my reasons are thusly: 1) my best friend is from Baltimore and has offered to bear Ed Reed’s children. Someone is going to have to babysit. 2) Arizona isn’t a really, real football team, right? Though I did enjoy seeing the absurdly overrated Jake Delhomme go all Favre-ian with the pics the other day. Still, Arizona is in a whole different time zone, and in my head, they’re still an expansion team. And yes, I know that isn’t even remotely close to true. 3) I got no beef with Philadelphia but, you know, they don’t really excite me that much either, and 4) in a game between Pure, Distilled Evil and the Pittsburgh Steelers, I’m either choosing Evil or abstaining from choosing and getting drunk instead. Such are my feelings toward the Steelers despite the fact that I have many friends who bleed black and gold (which they should really have looked at by a professional, by the way). So, after considering these many rational and well thought out reasons, I’ve decided that it’s a good thing I look great in purple.

Of course, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention with an evil little laugh that I enjoyed seeing Eli sent packing yesterday. Because I’m petty, what can I say?

So, who you got?

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