Feels Like Football

(Photo from Boston.com)

“Okay,” Chrissy said as we sat down, raised our beers to Tom Brady’s surgically-repaired leg and toasted to another football season, “here’s the plan: as soon as the ball’s snapped and Brady either throws it or hands off, he turns and runs wildly in the opposite direction.”

“Away from large men lunging for his knees?” I asked.

“Yes, exactly.”

“I endorse this plan.”

Because, the thing is, as glad as I am to have Tom Brady and his two functional knees back on the turf, it’s going to take a little while to overcome the PTSD effects I’m going to feel every time a 400-lb linebacker comes within three feet of him. I can’t imagine what his own mother must feel like since everyone in New England will be holding their breath every time the ball is snapped.

But I assume, eventually, we’ll get over it. Because we missed football around these parts. We really, really missed football.

Chrissy is concerned about the Randy and Tommy relationship as she thinks that the pair might need to attend couples counseling to deal with Randy’s abandonment issues. But I told her that I think it’s like when your husband goes away on a business trip for a long time and when he comes back, you don’t sleep well for a few nights because you forgot how your arm goes there and his leg goes there or whatever. Basically, they just need to work out the kinks. Meaning, I don’t think Randy was dropping passes on purpose to act out because Brady was throwing touchdowns to Chris Baker.

And then there is that Julian Edelmen fellow who I’d previously never been aware of but who is awfully scampery and fast and, frankly, I enjoy him. He was delightfully excited about everything that happened on the field which is what I believe a fan would act like, if given the chance to play. He also inspired what I’m calling “Game Plan #2” for the season.

“That’s how we’re going to score half our touchdowns this season,” I said. “Kickoff returns. That way, Brady doesn’t even have to be on the field.”

“I enjoyed the strategy of using a quick-deploying, impenetrable steel wall the second the ball was snapped but this also works,” Chrissy replied.

There was some sadness, of course, as there always is at the beginning of a new season. When the list of notable Patriots departures was flashed on the screen, I felt a special twist seeing Mike Vrabel’s name up there.

“What I don’t understand,” Chrissy said, “is why we needed to lose Mike Vrabel.”

“Because some one has to be the head cheerleader at Matt Cassel Confidence Camp in Kansas City and put the nice notes with the smiley faces in his lunch box.”

“Well that makes sense,” she said.

Also, as I mentioned to my mom later on the phone, Cassel is going into an unfamiliar system. It’ll help if he has someone that can catch touchdowns. Apparently that’s all Mike Vrabel does.

Losing Vrabel is going to sting. I second Amy’s feelings when she said that she’d find herself getting really excited about football season and then she’d be struck with the mental image of Vrabes and Tedy sitting in front of rain-streaked windows and contemplating calling each other and she’d get sad all over again. I’m just saying, there’s probably a lot of John Waite’s “Missing You” playing in the Bruschi household. Tedy seems like a man who enjoys his slow jams.

That being said, Bill Belichick has never been the kind of guy to dwell in the past. He probably also doesn’t acknowledge the 2007 Super Bowl as a thing that happened and he remains laser focused on the immediate future. That being, apparently, berating his newly-titanium’d QB 1 on the sidelines. But I gotta tell you, that picture makes me happy. Because Bill Belichick does not care two whits about Tom Brady’s knee. He does not care about his pregnant supermodel wife or his Details magazine cover or whatever shenanigans Matt Light has in store. Bill Belichick cares about the fact that Brady just threw a long interception and he is not happy. And that, my friends, is why we like Bill Belichick.

So football is back and the Pats notched a win in a game that was meaningless in the long run but spoke volumes in our confidence as a fan base. Can’t wait for the next one.


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