Monthly Archives: July 2005

The Rick Rages

(Why do I suck so hard?)

Let’s say I’m watching the game. And let’s say the umpire – any umpire – makes a ridiculous call. I can pretty much countdown from ten and by the time I arrive at one, my dad will have called. Crappy umpiring is one of my dad’s pet peeves. He rants and raves like Carl Everett at an archeologist’s convention. Below, he takes on umpires, in a remarkably coherent way.

The Rick Rages:

So here’s my issue with baseball umpires, Major League umpires in particular. It’s my contention that umpiring baseball is so much different, and hence easier, than other sports and yet many, many umpires are still horrible. Why is that?

In baseball, let’s say that 90% of the calls are predetermined – that is to say the umpire has to make a decision, be it fair or foul, strike or ball, safe or out. In virtually all those cases he gets to see it coming, and at least with balls/strikes and safe/out he knows precisely where the event will take place so he can better focus on that spot. And because there are umps at every base he should almost always be in a proper position to make the right call. Plus the players tend to be more stationary than the other team sports, again making it easier to determine where the call is going to be.

Obviously there are other calls that are required such as balks, interference/obstruction, foul tips, check swings, etc. that require unanticipated judgment but the vast majority of calls are served up to the umpires in a predetermined fashion.

Now compare that to football, basketball, and hockey where fouls/penalties are a big part of the calls. In any given game there are an infinite number of call/non-call decisions to be made. “Was that holding?” “Was that traveling?” “Slashing?” “Did he step out of bounds?” And so on. As an official you never know when there is going to be a call/non-call event so you have to be on top of it at all times. And because those games are so fast paced with players moving all over the playing surface, it must be very challenging to stay abreast of everyone.

Now, I’m not trying to say that Major League Umpires aren’t good at there jobs, well, some of them aren’t. But I do say that their job is relatively easy when compared to their peers in other sports. And yet they still manage to screw it up a remarkable percentage of the time.

Granted, trying to determine whether a Wakefield knuckler or Wells curveball or a Randy Johnson fastball caught the corner can be challenging. But at least they know it’s coming so they should be prepared for that moment of decision. But often they still miss the call, and balls and strikes are often notoriously inconsistent from umpire to umpire and even pitch to pitch by the same umpire in the same game. No wonder pitchers often get upset.

So while I’m on umpires, I’m glad they’re finally getting one thing right. They are now huddling on controversial calls to try and get it right, so that self-righteous arrogance they used to display in those situations is gone. Mostly. ‘Bout time, football has been doing it for years.

Finally, I pose one last question: When a batter check-swings, the catcher can appeal to either the third base (when a lefthander is at bat) or first base (when a right-hander is at bat) umpire to see if that ump will over rule the home plate ump and call the swing a strike. So why can’t the batter make the same appeal when the home plate umpire rules that the batter didn’t hold up his swing and hence calls a strike? You never see that! Why not?

That’s The Rick, y’all. And his thoughts for today. In the future, I assume we’ll be arguing back and forth more often on certain things but I happen to agree with him on this one. However, I offer you a transcript of a voicemail I received from him last night shortly after Olerud’s grand slam:

“What’s wrong with you? You don’t have your phone on during such a pivotal moment? I’m disappointed! Sent you some stuff to post but dammit, get back on the job!”

Such pressure.

Speaking of pressure, the trading deadline has got me chewing my fingernails down to bloody nubs and alternately whimpering and raging. Aside from the fact that the Yankees have just signed Alan Embree which, frankly, I cannot bring myself to talk about yet, there’s nothing big to report. More later, I’m sure, assuming I survive the impending ulcer.

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Pinch Hitter

(Like father, like daughter)

Okay, so, some of y’all have met my dad. For those of you who haven’t, that’s him up there. On this blog, he’s often referred to as “The Rick.” He’s a good sort, and completely responsible for my own sports-related psychosis.

As such, he’s become a bit of a cult figure on this here blog and Amy (sans nuts) floated the idea the other day that The Rick should have a recurring guest spot on Basegirl. He’s agreed, if you all think it’s a good idea, because if there’s one thing my dad has, it’s an opinion.

And so, I leave it to you, dear readers. Do you all want to hear from The Rick? I’m thinking maybe once a week or so we’ll just grab a sports related topic and yak about it, argue over it or fight to the death. Thoughts?

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Goodbye is the Hardest Word

(Photo from Boston.com)

In a rather stunning development, Patriots linebacker Ted Johnson has just announced his retirement after ten seasons with the New England Patriots.

Patriots.com has the story.

Most notable is the quote from Johnson:

“It is with deep regret that I have decided to retire from football. The decision was not an easy one, but life sometimes has a timetable all its own. I can no longer ignore the severe short- and long-term complications of the concussive head injuries I have sustained over the years.”

This comes on the heels of Tedy Bruschi’s announcement that he’ll take at least a year-long hiatus from football.

I think sometimes we forget just how much of themselves these guys leave on the field. Sometimes it isn’t just their blood, sweat and tears. Sometimes it’s their actual health and well-being. Football is a brutal game. We all know that. No one more so than the players. But it often takes a staple of your team retiring to bring it home.

I’ll miss referring to the havoc-wreaking D-line as “Big Willie and the Teds” but I wish Johnson all the best.

And I have a sneaking suspicion that in his era of Belichickian New England Patriots football, those that are part of the championship teams never really go very far away.

Good luck, Ted!

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Red Sox Catcher Blood Feud Update

Phone message from Kevin during the 5th inning of yesterday’s Sox/Devil Rays game: I demand a six pack for every base that Dougie steals. That is worth some beer. I will take a six pack of Coors Light.

Return phone call: You can’t retroactively request beer.

Kev’s response: Damn right I can. Dad says a Dougie stolen base is worth at least a six pack.

Rebuttal: Which would put you at two…total…career. The last time he stole a base was over five years ago.

Kev: Don’t care. He’s a speed demon today. I want beer.

Me: Okay, listen, you can have a six pack every time Dougie steals a base if I get one every time Varitek…throws out a runner trying to steal.

Kev: *prolonged silence* Deal.

Me: You’re on.

Later in the evening, I relayed this exchange to Annette when I asked her to confirm that Dougie did, in fact steal a base.

Annette: He totally did. It’s all anyone will talk about.

Me: What possesses him to do that?

Annette: I bet he just woke up today and thought, “I feel fast.”

Me: Yikes. But still, a six pack for Dougie’s steals vs. a six pack for Varitek’s runners thrown out? I totally win.

Annette: You totally do.

However, I watched the replay of the game last night at 7:00 on NESN and was dismayed to see that Tampa Bay’s lone run scored on a Doug Mirabelli passed ball. I quickly shot off an email to my brother:

“Now see, you neglected to tell me that the only Tampa Bay run that scored did so on a DOUG MIRABELLI PASSED BALL! This is pertinent information. But I’ll let it slide…this time.

“Also, have you ever noticed that Dougie is completely square-shaped?* He’s perfectly geometric. I hereby dub him, ‘Dougie Mira-Squarepants.'”**

Still waiting for a response.

*observation courtesy of Amy and her dad.
**nicknamed invented by Marianne.

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Turning Point?

(Yahoo! Sports)

I hate to quote myself but…half an hour ago I wrote this:

“Obviously, I want the Sox to win this game. I want this to turn into one of those “Moments” that we come back to, like last year’s brawl game, where the team metaphorically kicks itself in the ass and comes back to win and to turn the season around.”

I guess time will tell.

As for me…

*collapses on the floor in a sobbing heap*

*dies*

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To Hear a Pin Drop

(photo from Yahoo! Sports)

The game is not over yet – it’s currently the top of the 8th inning and the Sox are down 8-6, but I can’t seem to think about anything other than Carl Crawford’s line drive that dropped Matty Clement like a sack of fertilizer. And, like Beth, I found that as I stared at the television, my face a rictus of horror, there were tears forming in the corners of my eyes. Because, no matter how much time you spend making fun of a player’s imagined penchant for Cat Fancy magazine or his alleged peanut allergy, you realize that you really do love the guy. And you don’t want anything bad to happen to him. You realize that through the wins and losses ERA and WHIP and BB/K ratio, there is one thought repeated over and over like a manta in your head, “Be okay, Matty, be okay, Matty, be okay, Matty, be okay…”

The Sox are playing lackluster baseball right now and honestly, I can’t blame them. For as much money as they make and as many trade rumors as litter the sports pages every day, they do spend most of their waking hours together and they are a family. And they have to care right now. Not about the game, so much as they want it to be over, but about their fallen teammate.

The worst part was how quiet it was. I’ve been to the Trop and it’s not a loud place, in and of itself, but the faces of the fans in the stands after Matty went down – Devil Rays and Sox fans alike – said it all. There was nothing to say. Remy and Don-O didn’t know anything more than we did. They were watching right along with us. We’re so used to them being the voices of reason, or insanity, but we’re used to looking to them for explanation. For me, they’ve always had an uncanny way of answering my questions immediately after I voiced them, either to someone in the room or to the empty room at large. But this time, they had nothing to say.

Then there was Millar’s face. For as long as he’s been on this team, Millar has always had at least a semi-smile on his face. Even being down 0-3 to the Yankees in last year’s ALCS, he couldn’t stop smiling and joking around. But as he stood over Matty, his body curled into a loose fetal position, his face was stony with no hint of smile. Millar’s face, combined with Varitek’s slow, determined walk away from the mound, made it clear that this was bad.

The inevitable comparisons to Bryce Florie popped up after mere minutes. “No,” I said to the TV, as there was no one here, “No, Matty, be okay.” I called my dad. It was all I knew to do.

“Are you watching the game?” I asked.

“No,” he said, “We’re in the car. But I’ve got it on the radio.”

“It’s bad,” I said, my voice shaking a bit.

“WEEI says he’s alert and aware of what happened,” Dad reassured me, “He’s going to be okay.”

“Okay,” I said, pacing the kitchen, “Okay.”

“Everything else okay?” Dad asked.

“Um,” I said, “Yeah, I guess so.” I paused, “Dad, that was really bad.”

“It’s going to be okay. He’s going to be fine.”

Sometimes, that’s just what you need to hear.

According to Eric Frede’s in-game updates, Matty is alert, concious and “in good spirits.” These are all good things. Nevertheless, this kind of stuff is so scary. I’m a hockey fan so it’s not like I’m not used to violence. I love football and celebrate a bone-crunching sack with the best of ’em, but there’s just something different when it’s baseball. Or when it’s so unexpected. Hockey and football players know they’re going to get hit. They prepare for it. It’s part of the game. But baseball is not a contact sport. When the ball comes back to the pitcher, a lightning-quick screaming liner, there is no time to react. And that’s what makes it so terrifying.

In the game, Varitek has just hit a 9th-inning home run to bring the Sox within a run and Millar has singled to put the tying run on base. Obviously, I want the Sox to win this game. I want this to turn into one of those “Moments” that we come back to, like last year’s brawl game, where the team metaphorically kicks itself in the ass and comes back to win and to turn the season around. But right now, my thoughts are still with Matty.

Be okay, Matty, be okay, Matty, be okay…

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Nerds Bite Bullies

(photo from Yahoo! Sports)

No, no, no, no, no. Just…no. We don’t lose one run, extra inning games to the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. Or rather, we do, I guess, but I’d really prefer it if we didn’t. Look, if the Devil Rays had an online dating profile, it would read like this:

Likes:
Being assholes, making people cry, wearing stupid vests.

Dislikes:
You, Me, laughter, sunshine, kittens, fun.

Unacceptable. The entire team lives in constant fear of their manager short-circuiting and eating the shortstop or a utility infielder. Carl Crawford is probably safe because I don’t think Sweet Lou’s gonna run him down without the aid of a motorized Sequeway. But as for the rest of ’em, how can you focus when you might become Lou’s lunch at any second?

I love Mike Timlin. I really do. Despite all his blustery “I’m a big, huntin’, Nascar watchin’, god-fearin’, Southern baseball player” business, I really kind of love him. But it is not necessary for him to let eleventy billion inherited runners score. Just because someone happens to be on the basepaths does not mean they’re allowed to touch home plate. This is not a manifest destiny situation, Big Fitty. You can do that snarl thing you do, turn to spit on the grass and say, “Screw you. You’re staying right there. This land of ‘home’ you’ve heard tell ’bout ain’t nothin’ but a legend for you.” I don’t know why Timlin speaks like a 1940s gold prospector in my mind but just go with it. I’m starting a new campaign right now. “I Heart Wins. I Hate Inherited Runners.” Who’s with me?

As for Manny, well, he’s Manny and as Beth so brilliantly pointed out, when people get on him, I get really defensive because I think of him as a small child who doesn’t know any better. And so, to that end, if last night’s 9th inning with the bases loaded and two outs was a third grade report card, Manny would get As in “Attitude,” “Skill Level” and “Plays well with others,” but he’d be rockin’ Fs in “Follows directions” and “Performs according to potential.” A pop out to right with the bases loaded in a tie game is not what I ordered, Manuel. Not what I ordered at all.

Also? There was that business where Olerud got a hit and yet the ball somehow nails Trotter who is then called out for “interfering with a ball in play.” Not intentionally, mind you. But still. That happened and I typed to no fewer than four people who I was conversing with at the time, “What other team does that happen to? None other team is the answer.” And yet does it really surprise any of us that the Red Sox were able to pull that off? Call me a prophet.

But what can we do? The trading deadline is rapidly approaching and there are rumors that everyone from Bro-Yo to the bat boy are getting swapped. What we need is pitching, clearly, but name me a team who doesn’t need another arm. All faith in Theo but for the next week, I wear my fingernails down to bloody nubs waiting for the announcement that my favorite binky has been shipped out of town. And when you get right down to it, aren’t they all my favorite binkies?

So tonight we go with Matty against that poor devil Mark Hendrickson who didn’t make it out of the first inning last time we faced him. In fact, the Sox scored six runs before he made an out which, if I’m doing my math correctly, puts his ERA for that last game at infinity. That’s gotta be a wee bit demoralizing. And well, I’m sure he’s a nice kid and all but I’m going to need to Sox to hit him like he owes them money tonight. I want a win!

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One Down, One to Go

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(photo from jasonhoke.com)

The Bring Dave Roberts Back! Fund currently totals a whopping $14. C’mon now, folks, we can do better than that. I kid, actually, (well, mostly) but our bitching and whining worked to the tune of bringing back the World’s Most Perfectly Sculpted Jew. Can Super Dave be far behind?

Just think, Kap’s back, the team is playing mediocre ball and even Hyzduuuuuuu!, my personal chew toy, has shown up again (though perhaps not for long if he continues making plays like his fly-on-a-windshield gaffe last night in left). Throw a bitching Pedro and a blustering Schilling (oh, wait), into the mix and it’s almost like, gasp!, last year.

And maybe that’s part of it. Maybe that’s part of the reason I seem less worried about this team than I perhaps should be. Granted, last night’s game should probably have me frazzled considering Wake’s alarming penchant at giving up home runs but for some reason, I just shrugged it off. Yes, I’d like to win. But I suppose my point is that when you’re facing the team with the best record in baseball and your knuckleballer is going through a bit of a gopher ball phase, things aren’t always going to go your way. Plus, the Sox are in first place, the Orioles and the Yankees both lost (again) and it’s pretty much status quo out there right now. A slightly infuriating status quo since this team really should be much better than this, but status quo nonetheless. Of course, the addition of Kapler isn’t going to hurt.

Oh, and as an aside. Memo to the Chicago White Sox: It’s a home run, not freakin’ Independence Day. Fireworks really aren’t necessary. You hit a lot of home runs. You’re a good baseball team. But damn if that isn’t more obnoxious than the bat flip or the occasional Manny Ramirez “Look how far I hit that one, bitches!” slow trot. For real, tone it down a bit. Don’t want to get yourselves all worked up over a single shot dinger in the 4th inning of a game you’re already losing by twelve. However, the fireworks did prompt this discussion between Sebastian and myself:

Me: Those fireworks? Have got to stop. Bit of overkill, that.
Sebastian: Big talk coming from someone whose football team sets off cannons when they score a touchdown.
Me: They’re the Patriots. It makes sense. Also? Whatever you say, Mr. Terrible Towel. *snicker*.
Sebastian: Don’t make fun of the towels! They towels are awesome!
Me: Dude, the towels are lame.
Sebastian: They are not! They’re the greatest!
Me: No, for real, man, we’re all making fun of you. All of us.

And speaking of football…I realize I’ve not yet talked about Tedy Bruschi. And frankly, I need to. I mean, he’s Tedy Bruschi. He is Patriots football, plain and simple. Perhaps even more than Belichick or Brady, Bruschi is the physical and emotional embodiment of what it means to be a New England Patriot. And he’s decided not to play this year. Which is…okay. Sad and upsetting insomuch as we’re not going to see him running around the field like his pants are on fire and making Peyton Manning’s receivers wet themselves but it’s okay because Tedy never let us forget that in addition to being a football player – before being a football player – he is a husband and father. And his family needs him to be healthy. I feel like that’s such a typical estrogen-laden response. “Well, his babies and wife need him.” But the odd thing about the Bruschi decision is that I don’t see reaction falling along gender lines. I’ve heard and read just as many males say the same thing about him. And I’ve listened to plenty of females express disappointment that he won’t be taking the field this year.

Bruschi is a rare case in professional sports. We all say that we have favorite athletes and players and we act like we know them. But the truth is, we never really do. And we can never be sure they love us back. Just think back to how many of us were burned by Pedro “No Respect” Martinez. Did Pedro love us back? We’ll never know. But with Tedy, it’s almost like you do know. Sure, an athlete can tell you they appreciate and love the fans and the support we give them but they can show it by signing a multi-year, below market value deal so as to stay in the city they consider home. See also: Wakefield, Tim. And that means a lot to us. We all learned in kindergarten that showing is greater than telling. And telling doesn’t mean much unless you’ve shown us something to back it up. Bruschi backed it up.

And you can say what you want about his decision to take to the sidelines this year, but I honestly believe that there is such a mutual respect between Bruschi and the New England fans that we truly want what’s best for him. We’re not like that with other people. How many of us accused Nomar – either publicly or privately – of dogging it? Has anyone said that about Bruschi? Didn’t think so. And no one will.

So while I feel that this decision is in Tedy’s best interest, I also don’t think it’s forever. And even if it is, he’s still a Patriot and he’s still going to find a way to impact this team. Football is his life and New England Patriots football is where he’s made his legacy. I think the odds are good that we see him running up and down the sidelines with a clipboard, yelling at the newbies and showing ’em how it’s done in the near future.

And speaking of sticking around…(you like how the bullet points are all segueing into each other?), I met someone the other night who was the living embodiment of a true fan. First, a little background:

My father (The Rick to most of you) works in the veterinary industry and over the past thirty-odd years, he’s struck up some pretty sincere friendships with his colleagues, not the least of which is that with Bob and Karen Messenger. Bob and Karen live in North Carolina and I met them for the first time last summer. “Bob’s a huge Red Sox fan,” my dad told me. “You’ll love him.”

My dad knows how to introduce people to me.

Not long after Bob and Karen returned home, the Sox began their playoff run. Occasionally Dad would forward me emails from Bob, laced with excitement about the Sox’ chances. I’ve always known that Red Sox Nation is national, no, global, but it was a thrill to be feeling the intensity from someone so far away from Boston. Occasionally, living right in the center of the madness, I found myself losing perspective on just how big a deal this World Series win would be. But the emails from Bob always helped put it back into focus.

Shortly before the ALCS, I got an email from Bob’s wife, Karen. “Your dad said you might know where I can get those ‘Why Not Us?’ t-shirts,” it read. “I’d really like to get one for Bob and his father.” A few mouse clicks and a donation to the K ALS fund later and two t-shirts were winging their way to North Carolina. Karen was infinitely grateful, and, evidently, Bob and his father were ecstatic.

Fast forward to last Tuesday. Bob and Karen, along with Bob’s father Mel and brother Bill were in Boston. Not for business, not to visit family and not out of necessity. They were here solely to take in a Red Sox game. My mom sent me an email a few days before, “Bob and Karen are going to be in town for the game,” she wrote, “Do you want to have dinner with all of us afterwards?”

“Absolutely,” I wrote back.

And so we did. We met up at the No Name Restaurant on the harbor and proceeded to talk baseball. They’d just witnessed the systematic dismantling of the Tampa Bay Devil Rays at the hands of David Wells and the relentless Sox bats so there was a win to discuss.

“Where were your seats?” I asked.

“About ten rows back,” Bill replied, “Along the third base line, behind the dugout.”

“Wow,” I said, “Great seats.”

“Yeah,” Karen said, “And Mel (her father-in-law) has never been to Fenway before so they were excellent.”

My dad turned to Mel, incredulous, “You’ve never been to Fenway before?”

Mel shook his head, “Nope. Grew up in Brockton and I was always a Sox fan but today was the first time I ever went to Fenway.”

“Imagine that,” my dad said, “And you stayed a fan all this time. You kept the faith?”

“Oh yeah,” Mel said, “Always knew they’d do it.”

My dad smiled and shook his head, “How about that?”

The conversation drifted on to discuss Manny’s disappearance into the Monster and the ongoing argument and wager between Kevin and myself regarding Dougie vs. Varitek but I kept mentally coming back to what Mel had said. “Always knew they’d do it.”

I often feel somewhat guilty about the fact that I’m merely twenty-four-years-old and I’ve seen the Red Sox win a World Series. I wouldn’t change the circumstances for anything but meeting someone like Mel, someone in his eighties who’d never previously been to Fenway Park, serves to yank into focus just how lucky I am to be twenty-four, to have working memories of a Red Sox World Series victory and to – all things considered – get to visit Fenway fairly often. Because eighty-odd years is a lot of believing. It’s a lot of faith. Especially when you consider that before last Tuesday, Mel had never had the opportunity to worship in the chapel.

I have to wonder if other teams have fans like this. Do they have people who latch onto something and don’t let go, despite geography, family situations, poor ownership, bad player management, historical losses and frustrating history? Do they have people who spend their entire lives believing? I don’t know. I don’t love any other team like I love the Red Sox and it seems like Mel’s story, while wonderful – isn’t terribly rare for Red Sox fans. Because in Red Sox Nation, it’s about more than just baseball. It’s a way to connect generations. Bob likes to tell the story of their family reunion when he tried to get his son, also named Kevin, interested in baseball.

“I told him, ‘Go and ask your grandfather about Ted Williams’,” Bob said, “Ted Williams was always Dad’s favorite.”

“Ted Williams was something,” Mel chimed in.

Bob continued, “And Kevin comes back to me a little while later and says, ‘Why was I supposed to ask grandpa about Hank Williams?'”

The table erupted in laughter. “He’s just not much of a baseball fan,” Bob said.

And that happens too. That’s part of it as well. Not everyone is going to love what you love but that’s okay. That doesn’t make it any less special. I often think of myself and my father and how, though we’ve never had a problem communicating like so many fathers and daughters do, what we talk about most often is sports. When dad works from home, he emails me day game updates like clockwork. Rarely does a game go by without an email or phone call analysis from one of us to the other. We’re constantly trading books back and forth and offering our opionions, (“Bloody Sundays is a little lacking but you’ll love America’s Game“). I don’t remember when or how exactly that my father started treating me as an equal in sports discussions but I know that all of what I know, I know because of him.

And this is how it happens in so many places to so many people and throughout so many families. Passion and excitement for a team is passed down, even without witnessing it in person. And that is truly special. We’re lucky to have that around here. We’re lucky to be a part of it. I’m thrilled that Mel finally was able to visit Fenway and that when he did, he was able to see the World Series Champions banner blowing in the summer breeze. It seems fitting, somehow, for someone who believed for so long, to finally be rewarded with the ultimate visual proof. They did it. Finally. But he always knew they would.

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‘Bout Damn Time

(photo from Yahoo! Sports)

Like a Mack Truck with the breaks cut…

That is more like it. That is what I like to see. Winning ballgames against the best team in baseball, despite a shaky start by our “All-Star” starter and a blown save by our newly minted “closer.” Then we rely on Manuelito, as we have so many times in the past, to come in and say, “It’s okay. Don’t worry. I fix it.” And then he did.

I had made plans to go out last night and had resigned myself to the fact that I’d only be able to see the first inning or two of the game. However, when I arrived at Club Q (so tragically, tragically hip and so not traditionally my scene as I am most assuredly not hip), I was relieved to see the television screens behind the bar showing the game.

“Thank god,” I breathed to Heather, “the game’s on.”

She just laughed. She knows me too well.

We got our complimentary drinks and settled into a VIP area (I swear to you guys, I am not this hip), and chatted about all manner of things before I saw a commotion of sorts on the television in the corner.

“Hang on,” I said, “I think we just scored.”

I marched over to the bar and accosted the poor soul sitting there.

“What just happened?” I asked him.

“Uh,” he said, “what?”

I gestured impatiently, “The game. What just happened in the game?”

“Oh,” he said, “Uh, the Red Sox scored.”

“So we’re tied now?” I asked.

“Um, yeah.”

“How’d that happen?” I said, glancing at the television, waiting for a replay.

“The, uh, the second baseman. He dropped the ball. And so the runners were allowed to advance.”

“Dude,” I said, giving him a “for real, you are not about the explain the rules of baseball to me,” look. “Iguchi made and error?”

“Uh, yeah, I think so.”

“And Damon scored?”

He looked at me, completely confused.

“Uh, I think so.”

“Come on, man,” I said good naturedly, “Pay attention!”

I don’t think he got it.

So it was with great excitement that I saw the Sox pull it out last night, despite all evidence that they might fall victim to playing the “Best Team in Baseball!” with their All-Star Game starter on the mound.

Tonight, I’ll be watching them go for Game 2 of the series at Katherine and Sebastian’s. Sebastian, a displaced Yankee fan will undoubtedly be cheering for the White Sox. But I plan to stuff him so full of taco dip that he can’t get out more than a “Murmphhearnfnf!” from time to time. Ah, the power of taco dip.

*******

Stay tuned for more updates about the 80 something-year-old gentleman I met this week who, despite being a Red Sox fan his entire life, had never been to Fenway Park before. And, of course, my musings on Tedy Bruschi.

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Infestation

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(Yankees fans crawl out of the woodwork after having overtaken first place)

What’s that Yankees fans were always advising us after we won the World Series, “Act like you’ve been there before?” It’s good to know that sentiment is apparently completely optional when it comes to Yankee fan behavior regarding their position in the standings.

Yes, it’s true, with a win last night over the Texas Rangers coupled with a Sox loss to the improbable Devil Rays (Grrrr, grrrrrr!), the Yankees find themselves in first place in the AL East by a half game. And with all the hooting and hollering and posting and screeching and taunting they’ve been doing, you’d think it was Free Pint Night at Alpha Gamma Epsilon. During Mardi Gras. On the weekend. At the MTV Beach House. Because seriously? Yankees fans are NOT acting like they’ve been here before. Not in the slightest. They go away for months at a time when the team is tanking and their starting rotation is sucking more wind that a Boeing 747 and they reappear – totally coincidentally, I’m sure – as the Yanks scratch and crawl their way into first place. Klassy.

Now look, I’ll be the first to admit that I gave them more than my fair share of shit when they were bottom-dwelling and being swept by the likes of the Royals and the Devil Rays. Because that was good times. And I don’t regret it now. The schadenfreude tasted delicious and they deserved every pointed barb and biased criticism I tossed at them. Why? Because I knew it’d come back to this. The Yankees are often regarded as a sleeping beast or the monster in a horror movie who you can never be sure is completely and totally dead. It’s not like it was about to change this year. I mean, we all hoped, but come on, we’re Red Sox fans, we know it ain’t going down like that.

That said, Christ on a bike, are they annoying! I have fielded emails from people who have actually told me in the past “I’m not really a baseball fan” who now feel the need to ask me “What do the standings say? I can’t read them this morning.” These people are usually regarded with a quizzical look morphing into a choking sound. And the best part about that is, they have no response to that. Because what are they going to say? Exactly.

So while it is with much anger, gnashing of teeth and venom spewed in the direction of the Red Sox dugout that I watch this rapidly deteriorating series against the Devil Rays, it is with a mild “pshaw” that I keep an eye on the Yankees. Yes, the Sox have got to start playing better. No one knows that better than me. But, seriously, I don’t want to go all pretentious and start quoting people but Yankees/Red Sox is the “same as it ever was.”

However, I would like to say to any and all Yankee fans who insist on crawling out of the woodwork like the proverbial front-running termites you are; save it. We’ve had enough. And if you insist on taunting us because you are a MERE HALF GAME in front of us in the standings, well, shit, *cough*, *gasp*, *choke*. What I read into that is fear. Because if there’d been hide or hair of them to be seen for the entire first half of the season, I could respect the taunting now. I could understand it and I could accept it. I wouldn’t like it, but at least I would realize that they’d stuck it out all year long. But that it’s just coming up now, when the Yanks are back on top, however tenuously, tells me that Yankee fans are spewing all their bullshit when they have a chance. Because they damn sure remember last year and they know that a second place team is not something to be taken lightly. So go ahead, taunt all you want. But careful up there at the top. We’re gaining on you.

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