So, um, I know we’re mostly for wild preditions and delerious flights of fancy around these parts but I do wonder if the Red Sox understand the underlying mathematical issues happening on this young season.
For instance, if there are five teams in the division, and, at most, two of said teams make the playoffs, and the Red Sox currently cannot beat two of the five teams, where does that leave them come playoff time?
I understand that with the currently robust 4-8 record, the “playoffs” are a far off land of legend and mystery but, I’m just saying, I don’t think it’s completely out of the question that they be attempting to, you know, WIN some games now. I try not to be unreasonable with my demands, I really do. But losing twice as many games as you win is just, well, that’s just poor baseball is what that is. That’s Pittsburgh Pirates shenanigans and unless the Sox are going to take to wearing painter’s hats and singing “We Are Family” between innings, the Pittsburgh Pirates they are not. And this being Major League Baseball and not the National Hockey League, one does not get points for trying real hard. There are no “good job” standings for losses in extra innings.
So my advice to you, dear Red Sox, is to straighten up and fly right, because, with the understanding that it’s only April, you are digging a mighty big hole for yourself, standings-wise and I do not have the resources to rent you guys an excavator large enough to set things straight. And before you know it, it’ll be August and we will all be faced with the possibility of a repeat Yankees World Championship and, frankly, I am not certain I can stomach that sort of thing.
Do it for the children, won’t you?