Tag Archives: bullpen

All apologies to the Captain.

Photo from Yahoo! Sports

Well someone sure wants back in the lineup. Can’t say I blame him. It’s not like the team has exactly been going great guns since he’s been riding the bench. Not that I have anything againt Victor Martinez. He seems a lovely man. Even myself, the biggest Tek apologist I know, has been saying that I understand the team’s moves with the catching situation because it’s not like Tek can hit his way out of a paper bag anymore and heaven knows we already have enough potential offensive holes in our lineup without a sentimental spot for the Captain.

So is now the time I say I’m sorry? Because I’ll say it. I’m sorry, Tek. I’m sorry I ever doubted you. First of all, if this is how you’re going to perform every fifth day, well, Doug Mirabelli is going to be holding press conferences left and right telling everyone who will listen that he taught you everything you know about being a backup catcher. But more importantly, it’ll be a bit of a wrinkle for Tito to deal with when setting his lineup. Honestly, there are worse problems to have.

Thankfully, one of those problems is not “what are we going to do now that Josh Beckett has been lobotomized by a comebacker” because Beckett’s cat-like reflexes managed to keep him just clear of some real damage. And I remember Matt Clement (I mean, sort of, I’ve mostly tried to block that unfortunate experience out), and I know what it feels like to see your starter lying prone on the mound because someone just brained him with a fastball. That said, perhaps no one was more worked up about it than Dennis Eckersley. Understandably, sure, as I’m certain Eck has been close to that position himself but admittedly, his PTSD was somewhat amusing only because everyone turned out fine and the thought of Eck’s pearl-clutching over some potential damage to his flowing locks amuses me.

Additionally, Boston Bullpen, I would like to have a word with you. I would like to discuss how, by and large, you’ve not been good at your job and you’re making the starters – who actually have been good at their jobs – angry and that way lies madness. I’m telling you, Josh Beckett hunts with large guns. I do not think you wish to anger that man. And Tim Wakefield seems nice and all but I’ve expressed my concerns before about what happens when the nice guy snaps. I really don’t think any of you wish to be on the receiving end. Mirabelli is busy terrorizing high schoolers in Michigan and is no longer available to hold Wakefield back, should he snap and attempt to run you all down with a vintage bullpen car he’s outfitted to look like Road Warrior.

I’m also slightly concerned with what I see as the overuse of Daniel Bard. Sebastian asked me if he was Tito’s go-to eighth inning guy and I told him that my personal theory is that he really wants Ramon Ramirez but he can’t remember which Ramon Ramirez he wants so instead of risking an embarrassing incident of mistaken identity, he just calls the bullpen and asks for Bard. Seems simpler. That is, of course, until he becomes the Scott Proctor to Francona’s Joe Torre and his arm falls off mid-pitch. Although if it ultimately ends with a Proctor-like episode of pyromania, at least we’ll all be amused.

So regarding last night’s game, all’s well that ends well and despite Kansas City’s best attempts to murder our pitcher and the Sox’s best attempts to keep Ol’ Captain down, the good guys emerged victorious in the end. Let’s hope they can carry that over into this afternoon’s game and Clay Buchholz has remembered his big boy pants.

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